Why I Hate The Mall: Obesity, Mu-Mus, and the Language Barrier

OK - I made the H-U-G-E mistake of trying to sneak in some holiday shopping time at the Mall before the big rush. Apparently, everyone else on the planet had the same idea I did. I hate the mall.

Even though I hate the Mall, it does sometimes make me feel better about myself. I'm not skinny-minny. According to my doctor, I am about 45 pounds overweight, and my BMI indicates that I am technically "obese." But I consider myself just a little bit too big - about average I guess. I am proud to say that - outside of pregnancy - I weigh the same that I did 7 years ago, before kids. I'm not any smaller, but hey - I'm not any bigger either. I think there's something to be said for that. And I still fight the good fight (most of the time.) I can swim 2 miles non-stop. I can run 4 miles at just over a 10-minute mile pace. I would say that puts me ahead of most average people fitness wise.

So back to why the mall makes me feel better about myself. The mall - like Disney World - is where you get the chance to see some of the worst America has to offer. I mean, you will occasionally see the stick-thin girl with the $300 highlights clicking into Ann Taylor on her 4 inch Jimmy Choos. But for the most part, you see really large, really unhealthy overweight people. I don't have anything against being overweight. I AM overweight. But when you walk through the mall, you see SO MUCH of the following: Caucasian woman, probably 35-ish, wearing a yellow t-shirt that is so tight it shows 4 or more rolls of fat. She also has on a pair of $5.99 Wal-Mart capri pants that are literally about to split at the seams. (For goodness sakes - cheap clothes just aren't made for that level of abuse!) She is so heavy that she looks like she's having trouble putting one foot in front of the other. The has her hair in a bun, no make-up and no jewelry. She is eating a extremely large pretzel covered with some sort of stuff that is supposed to resemble cheese. Behind her are 2 extremely overweight kids, age 9 and 5. They are also schlumping along with a lot of effort while they eat their oversize cookies from the Great American Cookie Company. They are walking outside so mom can - you guessed it - light up a cigarette. I literally saw DOZENS of scenarios just like this one today, and it makes me sad. You're already unhealthy, and you're compounding it by SMOKING? And in front of the kids, no less, who are also unhealthy thanks to you. As I mom, I realize that I am fully and 100% responsible for doing what I can to raise my kids healthier than I am. You won't find chips or cheetos or pop-tarts or cookies in my house. The kids aren't allowed sodas. If they grow up fat, it will be MY FAULT, so I'm trying so very hard to teach them the right things, and to set a decent example for them. But the large, large number of large, large people is alarming. And it's not necessarily a weight thing - it's a health thing and a presentation thing. I mean, lots of people are overweight, but present themselves well. Just look at celebrities like Oprah, Sarah Ramirez, America Ferrera, and Queen Latifah. Not skinny by any means of the imagination, but still gorgeous. The whole thing just boggles my mind (and this all was so much more eloquent when I composed it in my head at the mall...) Anyway - I look around at the people at the mall and think "You know what? I'm OK. I'm doing OK, and I'm teaching my kids to be and do better than OK." And that makes me feel a little better.

Mu-Mus. I don't even know if that's how you spell it. That's probably not even what they are called, but that's what they look like. Mu-Mus. I am referring to the god-awful, busy-printed, flowing smock-like things that are all the rage in the stores right now. NO ONE LOOKS GOOD IN THESE THINGS. If you are thin, you look like you were just swallowed up by a giant bag of red and purple faux-satin. And if you're not thin, you're going to look even bigger in these things. (Trust me on this - I have first-hand experience.) Not preggers? People will think you are in these things. I don't care if they are supposed to be worn as dresses or with leggings or with jeans - they are hideous and they have got to go.

The Language Barrier. I am all for cultural diversity. Really. But how weird is it to be standing in a suburban mall in mainstream America, and no one - I mean no one - within earshot is speaking English? At one point in JCPenney's, I actually thought there might be a Brazilian tour group in the store. (Former Orlando theme park workers will especially appreciate that reference...) I think it's great to speak 2 languages. I hope to learn Spanish myself. However, I am fairly certain that I heard more English spoken in Mexico the last time I was there than I heard in the mall today. Not to go all Bill-O'Reilly-Culture-Warrior-ish on you, but is this Country turning from a "melting pot" into black bean soup?

Food for thought....(ha ha ha - excuse the pun there.)