A Parenting Success

OK. I still haven't caught up yet, but the worst is behind me. The school carnival is over, Chase's birthday is over, and the trip to NC is over (although that last one was fun...) I have firmly let the PTA know I will NOT be back next year.

I'm still not a Travel Agent, but I am doing research.

On the up side, I performed what I think was a stellar little bit o' parenting in NC. We flew up there to see our friends the Reeds. We spent 1 day hanging out at their house in Denver, NC. We spend the 2nd day tubing at Hawksnest in Seven Devils, NC. The third day we head up to Sugar Mountain NC to do some skiing.

Now, we all know that travel is not cheap. And skiing is not cheap either. So when we pay money to go all the way up there and then put our kids in ski school, I call that a moderate investment. What you don't want to happen is to have the Ski School instructor call 1 hour into the kid's lesson and say "Chase is done and ready to leave." And yet it happened.

I sent Bart back up the lift, and I headed down to deal with "the boy." He was in the office pouting and complaining about how hard it is, and how he wants to go home.

First, I explained to him - very patiently - how it takes practice, and everyone falls, yadda yadda yadda. Then it comes to light that what he's really upset about is that Karlin was doing it better than he was. So I took some time to point out all of the things he does better than she does. I almost had him, and then he went back into pout mode.

So then I got tough. I gave him 2 choices. He could stay with his group at ski school, learn to ski, and get hot chocolate. OR...he could sit at a picnic table for the rest of the day. What I said exactly was: "There's no babysitting here. No game room. No TV. No Video games. No playground. If you quit, you will sit at this picnic table for the REST OF THE DAY." He then said he wanted to go home (and this was at about 11 am). I said "No Chase - no one's going home until at least 4:30 today. If you quit you will sit at this picnic table for the rest of the day. Do you understand that?"

Then he changed tactics on me and said "I want some hot chocolate." So I said "No - only kids in ski school get hot chocolate. Do you want to stay with your group, have hot chocolate, and then try to ski again? Or do you want to have some water and sit at this picnic table for the rest of the day?"

I am happy to say he chose ski school, and ended up doing really well. I was proud of myself for not losing my temper (because I was watching a lot of money potentially going down the drain, and I knew that if he sat out Bart and I would have to take turns sitting with him. That meant less ski time for us.) I am also glad that I gave him a choice, but made it very clear how things were going to be.

By the end of the day, he and his sister were both riding the beginner ski lift, and riding down the green trails. They even say they want to go skiing again next winter.

Well done all around! :)

Oops. I Did It Again.

I think I may be losing my mind. Or maybe it's just old age. Maybe both.

I am generally very organized, at least in my own way. I don't have a 'real job", so I make sure to try and be a present as I can with my kids. Not in an overwhelming sense, but enough to know what's going on, and enough that they know I'm interested.

Seems like I can't even do that right, though. Three times in the past 3 weeks, I have flat-out forgotten to do something that I said I would do. Once was a School Advisory Council Meeting. The original date got changed, and I knew that. But I didn't write it down anywhere, so I forgot to go to the new meeting time. The next two are really bad, because they are both times when I said I would help Chase's teacher. The first time, I just had the time wrong. She told me 10:00, and my fried little brain heard - and wrote down - 10:30. But today...I have no excuse. It's in my day Planner , which I check every Sunday night. It's on the wall calendar, which I quite literally walk past every single time I leave or enter the house. I just forgot.

In between trying to get the food ready for the School Carnival that's next week; trying to get everything ready for Chase's birthday party (in 4 days) - cake, gift bags, etc...; getting the house ready for family visiting (in 3 days); trying to get Girl Scout camps set up; trying to get the park reserved and activities set for the next Girl Scout Meeting (in 2 weeks); trying to get the Volunteers and signage all set for Chase's class booth at the School carnival; Ramping up my exercise program; trying to plan trips to North Carolina (in 2 1/2 weeks) and Mexico (in 4 months); trying to finish up Chase's 5 year scrapbook before his SIXTH birthday; trying to get Uniform sale information all ready for the PTA Board meeting next Monday; trying to beg volunteers to help cook burgers and dogs at the School Carnival; trying to find time to get my Mother-In-law a birthday gift; trying to find time to go get new running shoes; getting doughnuts for Karlin's class booth at the carnival; etc. All this on top of the mountains of laundry that I can never seem to get done; the dog washing and cleaning; the staying on the kids for homework/piano/horsebackriding; the everyday stuff - buying groceries, cooking and planning meals, packing lunches.

The point is, I am FAILING. The house is a wreck. I'm not getting stuff done. The stuff I AM getting done is sometimes half-ass. The kids are snotty and disrespectful, and to be quite honest, not much fun to be around lately. Everything costs too much. We follow up a long discussion about paying off bills with a $600 airline ticket purchase. My car may die at any moment. It is literally falling apart one piece at a time. Christmas stuff is still down. I have stuff that needs to be sold on Ebay. Furniture that needs to be sold on Craigs List. A bunkbed to find and purchase.

I'm just not doing too well. I feel like I am juggling 100 plates at once, and sooner than later one of those plates is gonna fall to the ground and shatter. And I'll try to catch it, which will cause me to drop them all.

Bart doesn't understand why I am constantly dreaming of leaving...to Mexico, to Key West, to anywhere. Home is work to me. Home is not fun, or relaxing. Home is a never-ending list of a million things that I have to get to that I will never finish. He sees a great pool in the backyard. When I look at the pool, what I see is the leaves in the bottom becuase the pool cleaner has been broken for 6 months; the hole ripped in the screen 4 1/2 months ago that still needs to be fixed; the pavers that need to be pressure-washed and sealed; the pavers that need to be re-sanded; the plants that need to be re-potted/fertilized/tended to in some way shape or form; the patio furniture that I started painting 2 months ago that I still haven't finished.

I could seriously go on and on and on. But I think you get the point.

How does everyone else do it? How do I start to relax and enjoy my life again? I don't even have any answers to that. Getting a job isn't the solution. All that will do is add to the list of things I have to get done, and minimize the time I have to do them. Then there's the guilt for bailing on the kids.

FAILING. How does one go to their happy place when there IS no happy place?

When I Grow Up...Part 2

OK. So in our last episode, our heroine decided she wanted to be a Travel Agent. Cool. Got a direction - so let's move that way.

So I Googled/Binged "How To Become a Travel Agent." The results were numerous web sites that all say something along the lines of "If you pay us $395, we can make you a Travel Agent!" Ummmmmmmmmm....no.

So then I looked up "Travel Careers" and "Travel Jobs." Similar results, but with a few job web sites mixed in. So I went to Career Builder and Monster and search on Travel Jobs. There aren't many. I did see two postings for AAA Travel Services, and one for Amex Travel Services, but they both said "experience needed." The rest of the jobs were for Car Rental Companies. NOT the direction I was aiming for. I also don't really want to work at the front desk of a hotel.

My travel agent - who is a really nice lady - recently sent me a hotel quote for our Mexico trip. This particular hotel was offering a free upgrade for the group leader, a free room for every 5 booked, and a group coordinator at the resort. Then - in very tiny print at the bottom - it said "The group seller will receive 5 complimentary nights at any of our Real brand resorts."

See - THAT'S what I'm talking about! She gets us to Mexico, and she gets a FREE TRIP. I want to be the girl who gets the free trip.

My friend Tia says her sister-in-law does Travel Stuff on the side. Doesn't make much money at it, but mainly uses it for the discounts and perks. She also sub-contracts out with a Cruise Line.

Now, with this Mexico trip on the horizon, Bart and I (OK - really just me) started doing research on resorts. Our first choice - the place we stayed last year - won't cut us any deals, even though we're threatening to bring between 8 and 15 rooms full of people with us. No group rate, no upgrades - nada. So I thought... screw them. Let's see who else out there will work with us. There are 15 bazillion all-inclusive resorts in Mexico. Surely we can find one that wants a fun, festive group of folks to come down for a little Fiesta.

So I started looking. I had it narrowed to 7 resorts. Then 6. Then I tied Bart down and forced him to look at my findings so we could narrow it down to 4.

Let's talk about my "findings" for a minute. I am OCD. I am anal. I am a control freak. We alllllllll know this. So - in an effort to compare and contrast the various resorts, I made little brochures. One for each resort. They contained all the pertinent info - number of restaurants, number of pools, kid's club info, etc. I also included posted internet rates and offered incentives. I mapped them on Google Earth. I added color photos. I even threw in 3-4 reviews on each resort posted on Trip Advisor.

(Ok - I know you started laughing at Google Earth Deb, so quit it...)

My point here is this: there is no way in hell the Travel Agent knows as much about these resorts as I do. I know everything. Show me a picture and I can name the resort. I know how long the shuttle rides from the airport are, and I know which resorts have gators on the grounds. I know which resorts have noisier maids. I have researched these place inside and out, and know everything you can know without actually visiting them.

This is EXACTLY the kind of research a Travel Agent should do. I mean, if a Mom out there is thinking about taking her kids to Mexico for the first time, she needs to know that there is a Kid's Club, and that the staff is CPR certified. She needs to know that they can always do burgers, dogs, chicken nuggets, and mac and cheese on request, even if it's not on the menu. She needs to know that the surf is rough, but that there's a little shallow shelterd area to the left. She needs to know that all the water is bottled, and they have their own water treatment facilities on grounds. She needs to know if there is an abundance of topless Europen women on the beach. She needs to know if the shuttle ride is 2 hours long, so she can prep the kids with snacks.

I know all of that, and then some. I am detail oriented. I am good with people. I love learning about new places. I would make a kick-ass Travel Agent. But I still don't know how to become one.

With the internet having failed me completely, I have turned to Old Faithful...the Library. I have 3 books on request that may be able to point me down the right path.

There is the thought that most people don't use Travel Agents anymore, becuase they can do it all themsleves on the web. I think that's true to an extent. Domestic travel is pretty easy to do on-line. But when you are considering a Foreign Country - especially with kids - the sheer volume of information on the internet is overwhelming. IF I were able to completely relinquish control (which I can't), I would LOVE it if soneone were to present me with the info that I have in my possession now.

So once my books come in, I'm going to get busy. Hopefully soon I can become a home-based Travel Agent, willing and able to help YOU with your Travel needs!

PS The first person who books with me gets to go on the free trip with me! ha ha ha Not entirely kidding.

Like A Train Wreck, You Just Can't Look Away

OK - I have to derail from my dreams of being a travel agent to fill you in on a sad diversion I embraked on last night. It's called "Celebrity Fit Club" and it's on VH1.

I have never seen this show before, but a friend's Facebook post piqued my interest. Specifically, he wrote; "Bobby Brown, Nicole Eggert, and K Fed on Celebrity Fit Club. DVR don't fail me now." Well, that sounded entertaining enough, and Bart is away in the snowy white north, so I figured what the hell.

I then spent an hour watching fat ex-celebrities vomit. OK - so not ALL of them vomited. But there were two distinct vomit moments in the first 15 minutes. Hell - who doesn't find THAT entertaining!

Here's the run down: 8 "B" list (maybe "C" list) celebrities do a 9 week boot camp with the drill instructor from hell. On the slate this time around: K Fed, his ex Shar Jackson (which is fun in and of itself, since apparently they hate each other, and neither one of them realized the other was going to be on the show.) Bobby Brown (yes - the former rap/pop star); Nicole Eggert from Baywatch and Charles in Charge (who is not fat enough to be on this show); some reality show chick that I have never heard of (but she's way fat and was the first to puke); Sebastian Bach (lead singer of Skid Row); The fat girl from High School Musical; and some guy who won some fashion reality show.

All of them are pretty tubby except for Eggert. Who should be slapped for being on the show and being unhappy with her 134 pounds. Bitch.

Anyway, it was hilarious. On the first night, they put all this food out. Bobby Brown ate fried chicken and beer, bless his heart. Sebastian Bach was the 2nd person to vomit. They had the drummer from Def Leppard on to inspire them. K Fed had to dig holes for stumps as punishment for quitting. Fun fun fun!

My three favorite quotes of the night?

#1. The celebs were complaining about the clothes they had to wear, and the barracks they were sleeping in. Bobby Brown said matter-of-factly; "It's better than jail."
#2. When they asked Sebastian Bach why he was there, he replied: "No one likes a fat rock star."
#3. When the nutritionist doctor cam into the mess hall, the big reality chick said "Jean Claude Van DAMME he is fine!" I laughed out loud at that one.

I can't wait till next week. Who's going to vomit next? Are the girls all going to beat Nicole Eggert senseless? Is someone finally going to explain why the hell all these women find K Fed so attractive? Will Shar have K Fed killed in his sleep?

See what I men? Train Wreck.

(Comes on Monday nights, by the way...) ;)

When I Grow Up

I'm always thinking and re-thinking and over-thinking the whole "what do I want to be when I grow up" thing. (The fact that I will be 40 in 3 months has no relevance to this whatsoever...)

On the one hand, I am busy as hell right now, even with no job. I hold 2 Board positions with the PTA, and a homeroom mom, a Brownie leader, on the School Advisory Council, and a reading assistant for Chase's class. On the average I am either up at the school or doing something for the school 12-20 hours a week. Sometimes more.

I have started to have to make lists of what I need to do when, becuase crap is starting to slip through the cracks. I am fairly organized (at least in my own mind), so it's really, really unlike me to do things like totally forget a meeting I was supposed to attend, or show up at the wrong time to help in the classroom. (Again - the fact that I will be 40 in 3 months has no bearing whatsoever on this...)

I also spend a fair amount of time driving kids to and from places. And it's easy right now, because Chase is off from soccer. But on the average week we have piano lessons on Monday, Girls Scouts every other Tuesday, Riding lessons on Wednesday, and Science Club on Thursdays. And that's just the one child.

Then there's the mundane stuff like laundry, cleaning, doctor's appointments, gift shopping, yard work, etc. I try to squeeze in workouts 3 times a week. Oh - and a playdate here or there. And birthday parties (usually 2-3 a month.) And if I'm lucky, a girls night out once in awhile.

Then there's the extra stuff - like Karlin's big travel brochure assignment on Melbourne Australia. No - I didn't do it for her. But she's 8, and she is still learning basic computer stuff. I helped her get to the right web sites for the research. I brought her home two travel guides from the Library. I had her type 99.9% of the info (which god bless her baby heart took her like 4 hours.) I changed the font to make it pretty, set the margins up so it would print correctly, and helped her cut it out. I also - after she had established her facts - printed some corresponding photos for her. She did the rest. The point here is that helping with a project like this takes a little time.

And in the middle of all this you have to pack lunches, make dinner, make breakfast. Then the cat throws up on the carpet. And you step in it wearing shoes so you don't know it. Which results in about 8 cat-vomit foot steps all over the recently cleaned carpet. Which seems big until your son dunps his humidifier all over his bedroom carpet in an attempt to "flood the Dinosaurs." It's going to take a week for that to dry out.

Anywho...so when I think about going back to work, I think "When in the HELL am I supposed to do that?" And if I did it, how in the hell would all this stuff get done?

So in one of my recent internet forays into Mexican all-inclusives, I decided - hey - I LOVE to travel. I wish I could travel more. All I need is time and money. Then it dawned on me...waaaaiiiiiit a sec. What if I could get PAID to TRAVEL?

That's it! I want to be a TRAVEL AGENT when I grown up!

(To be continued in part 2 - coming to a theater to you soon...)

My Roller Coaster Ride

This has been a crazy month from a parenting perspective. How is it possible to love and hate your kids so much at the same time?

Take Karlin. Karlin is 8. This month she rode in her first-ever Horse Show. She did so well, and showed so much composure, that I thought I would burst with pride. She looked so little and so grown up all at the same time. She was on a giant animal, in front of a crowd and judges. Her foot slipped the stirrup once. Her horse took a big dump in the middle of her reverse. She handled it all in stride. She even managed to show a little humor with an eyeroll when her barn-mate placed ahead of her. Amazing. She also (finally) learned to ride her bike, prompted by the success of her ambitious little brother (see below.)

Then there's the evil side. The side of my brilliant beautiful daughter that throws her homework at me. That snatches a dollar bill from my friend when it was offered to her, without so much as a thank you. That refuses to acknowledge when grown ups are speaking to her. That throws a hissy fit at Girl Scouts when she doesn't win the estimations game. That is generally mouthy, disrespectful, and spoiled.

Take Chase. I taught Chase to ride his bike this month. Without training wheels. All by myself. He did it before his sister (although when she got home from Science Club that day, she immediately learned to ride her too.) Chase has also "officially" started reading. He's taking AR tests at school. He has been identified as a "higher level student", so now he spends 45 minutes of every school day in a 1st Grade class. Unbelievable.

Then there's the evil side of Chase. The side of my funny, smart son that threw a fit when it was time to leave a local play area. Threw a fit as in won't-stand-up-so-I-literally-had-to-drag-him-out fit. Said mean things to his friend just because. Crumpled up and scribbled all over his homework. Generally tantrumy, disrespectful, and spoiled.

So I had a Super Nanny moment. I sat them down on the couch and went through one day's behavior step by step. I pointed out what they did wrong. I let them know how mortified and disappointed I was by their behaviors. I told them that effective immediately, things were going to change. Then I sent them to their rooms. And bawled for 15 minutes.

I mean really - the kids have some horrendous behaviors. But who's fault is that? MINE. So shouldn't I be just as mad at myself as I am at them? Because when it comes down to it, the behave the way they do because I LET THEM.

I love my kids, and I am so proud of them. But lately they have not been very pleasant to be around. They have been cut off from all "extras" until they can demonstrate some significant behavior modifications. They must start using their manners. They must do what I ask them to do, the first time. They must stop being disrespectful. They WILL respond to adults when they are spoken to. They will do their chores.

This was put to the test yesterday. Karlin said "Can I have dessert?" And I calmly said "No - you are cut off from desserts for while, remember?" And she started to respond - in a VERY nasty tone of voice - "Why can't I have..." and I cut her off right there. I said "That tone of voice is EXACTLY why." Chase wanted to watch a movie. Same thing with him.

I am hopeful that in the coming weeks things will improve. The ups of being proud of them and the downs of wanting to kill them are starting to get to me.

I'm ready to get off this roller coaster.

Why I Hate Christmas (Version 212)

I hate Christmas. Excpet for the lights, the cocktails, and the sweets, I hate Christmas.

I hate the shopping. I hate the traffic. I hate the 60 different versions of 12 Christmas songs that you hear over and over and over. I hate the lines at the store. I hate trying to buy gifts, usually for people who don't really need or want anything. I hate the stupid little parties. They all have a "bring an ornamnet to exchange" or "bring a gift to exchange." This means I have to spend time and money I don't really have, shop for a gift I don't really want to buy, and then exchange it for a gift I don't really want to get.

FABULOUS.

Then, once (if) you get all the "gifts" purchased (it will take months to actually pay for them all), then you have to WRAP them. In sparkly wrapping paper with shiny bows and color-coordinated gift tags.

Then there are the charitable endeavors. Don't get me wrong - I am superbly fortunate, and I am all for helping others out. But the guilt is sometimes overwhelming. Food drive? OK - cans of food. Check. Book drive? Box of books. Check. Angel Tree kids, ages 6 and 8. Check. Salvation Army bell ringers. Dump all your change. Check. (Of course the bell ringer at the next store is going to glare at you for walking past, having no way of knowing that you just dumped $40 worth of change into someone else's bucket.)

And oh yes - the Christmas Cards. You have to make a card with a cute photo. Then you have to send it out to everyone on the planet. There are always people you don't send to but that send to you, so you have to make an additional order.

And it's all supposed to be so MEANINGFUL. You have to take your kids to see Santa, becuase they obviously will be scarred for life if you don't. And the lights - you have to go drive and see the cool lights. And church - this is the time of year to definitely go to church (even though I'm not 100% sure there is a God, or at least a good one, but that is a WHOLE 'NOTHER STORY...)

Then you have to have your family in and cook a gorgeous meal, make everyone feel happy and welcome. Keep them all occupied like the happy hostess.

It just all sucks. If I didn't have kids, I would forfeit Christmas all together. Now I know you all are saying "Awww - no you wouldn't. You're just having a bad day." But if I didn't have kids, I would be on a cruise ship somewhere for 2 weeks. If you skipped Christmas, you'd have enough money to pay for it.

That's one of the main reasons why I want to buy a Time Share in Mexico. In about 4 years, the whole "S" thing will be a memory for my kids. When that happens, we will be spending every single Christmas in Mexico.

I hate Christmas too because my dad is gone. My dad didn't like Christmas much either, even though he didn't do most of the work. The fact remains that I just don't like it as much with him not here. The last Christmas I spent with him, he was really sick. He also chose Christmas Day to tell me that he was getting tired of fighting the good fight. That was also the first - and only - time he said "Love you, son." to Bart. (yipee - now I'm crying...) He died less than 2 months later. It was always me and him out in our front yard, hanging up an obscene number of ridiculously tacky lights. Bart doesn't let me do tacky, but I try to compensate with sheer volume. I almost fell over today when I saw a guy who looked a lot like him in the Toys R Us today. Jeans, Guy Harvey t-shirt, baseball cap.

My point is Christmas is never the same once a hole like that is left in your life.

I know a few people who are dealing with that right now, and then some. Any other time of the year would be miserable enough, but becuase it's "the holidays" it's so much worse. A friend who lost her sister. A Dad in the hospital. Two kids without a mommy this Christmas. The CiCi's pizza manager I work with through the PTA who has a tiny daughter just diagnosed with leukemia.

If we all stopped buying gifts and gave that money to cancer research, or medical research, or a Children's hospital...would that make any difference?

To me, Christmas has turned into a stress-filled, obligatory, merchadise-filled nightmare that I have to endure once a year. It's painful on many levels. I hate it.

I suppose I'll feel better on Christmas morning, watching my beautiful healthy kids have a ball. I like to sit out on the lanai and look at the Christmas lights reflecting off the pool. I like to go to Rawls Road and immerse myself in the ridiculously gigantic lights diplay. (www.rawlsroad.com)

But overall? I hate Christmas.