I hate Christmas. Excpet for the lights, the cocktails, and the sweets, I hate Christmas.
I hate the shopping. I hate the traffic. I hate the 60 different versions of 12 Christmas songs that you hear over and over and over. I hate the lines at the store. I hate trying to buy gifts, usually for people who don't really need or want anything. I hate the stupid little parties. They all have a "bring an ornamnet to exchange" or "bring a gift to exchange." This means I have to spend time and money I don't really have, shop for a gift I don't really want to buy, and then exchange it for a gift I don't really want to get.
FABULOUS.
Then, once (if) you get all the "gifts" purchased (it will take months to actually pay for them all), then you have to WRAP them. In sparkly wrapping paper with shiny bows and color-coordinated gift tags.
Then there are the charitable endeavors. Don't get me wrong - I am superbly fortunate, and I am all for helping others out. But the guilt is sometimes overwhelming. Food drive? OK - cans of food. Check. Book drive? Box of books. Check. Angel Tree kids, ages 6 and 8. Check. Salvation Army bell ringers. Dump all your change. Check. (Of course the bell ringer at the next store is going to glare at you for walking past, having no way of knowing that you just dumped $40 worth of change into someone else's bucket.)
And oh yes - the Christmas Cards. You have to make a card with a cute photo. Then you have to send it out to everyone on the planet. There are always people you don't send to but that send to you, so you have to make an additional order.
And it's all supposed to be so MEANINGFUL. You have to take your kids to see Santa, becuase they obviously will be scarred for life if you don't. And the lights - you have to go drive and see the cool lights. And church - this is the time of year to definitely go to church (even though I'm not 100% sure there is a God, or at least a good one, but that is a WHOLE 'NOTHER STORY...)
Then you have to have your family in and cook a gorgeous meal, make everyone feel happy and welcome. Keep them all occupied like the happy hostess.
It just all sucks. If I didn't have kids, I would forfeit Christmas all together. Now I know you all are saying "Awww - no you wouldn't. You're just having a bad day." But if I didn't have kids, I would be on a cruise ship somewhere for 2 weeks. If you skipped Christmas, you'd have enough money to pay for it.
That's one of the main reasons why I want to buy a Time Share in Mexico. In about 4 years, the whole "S" thing will be a memory for my kids. When that happens, we will be spending every single Christmas in Mexico.
I hate Christmas too because my dad is gone. My dad didn't like Christmas much either, even though he didn't do most of the work. The fact remains that I just don't like it as much with him not here. The last Christmas I spent with him, he was really sick. He also chose Christmas Day to tell me that he was getting tired of fighting the good fight. That was also the first - and only - time he said "Love you, son." to Bart. (yipee - now I'm crying...) He died less than 2 months later. It was always me and him out in our front yard, hanging up an obscene number of ridiculously tacky lights. Bart doesn't let me do tacky, but I try to compensate with sheer volume. I almost fell over today when I saw a guy who looked a lot like him in the Toys R Us today. Jeans, Guy Harvey t-shirt, baseball cap.
My point is Christmas is never the same once a hole like that is left in your life.
I know a few people who are dealing with that right now, and then some. Any other time of the year would be miserable enough, but becuase it's "the holidays" it's so much worse. A friend who lost her sister. A Dad in the hospital. Two kids without a mommy this Christmas. The CiCi's pizza manager I work with through the PTA who has a tiny daughter just diagnosed with leukemia.
If we all stopped buying gifts and gave that money to cancer research, or medical research, or a Children's hospital...would that make any difference?
To me, Christmas has turned into a stress-filled, obligatory, merchadise-filled nightmare that I have to endure once a year. It's painful on many levels. I hate it.
I suppose I'll feel better on Christmas morning, watching my beautiful healthy kids have a ball. I like to sit out on the lanai and look at the Christmas lights reflecting off the pool. I like to go to Rawls Road and immerse myself in the ridiculously gigantic lights diplay. (www.rawlsroad.com)
But overall? I hate Christmas.
1 comment:
I’ve always loved Christmas. It’s my favorite time of the year – prolly because the rest of the year is so tense and yukky (or it seems that way with people all craptastic with the attitudes and whatnot) and then for about a month or so you have everything all magical. There are lights. There are those wonderful baking smells that just seem everywhere … ginger, chocolate, cinnamon and pumpkin and while personally, I could do without the snow, the kidlets seem to like it. They love going out insulated like nobody’s biz and frankly I’m reminded of the Sta-Puft marshmallow man from ‘Ghostbusters’ whenever I see them all suited up. It always makes me laugh because that means they’ve got a snowball or two headed my way as soon as they can squash enough of the white stuff together.
But this year’s different. This year is unquestionably the worst my family has ever seen. It’s been absolutely devastated by an indescribable loss and it came at a time when families are gathered together and collectively counting their blessings. As if that’s not bad enough, as if we’re not already reeling from some insane circumstance, we’ve immediately rolled into yet another unbelievable situation. At a time when people are smiling and happy and good-naturedly bitching about long lines and parking and not finding just the right toy, our family is trying to figure out more basic issues.
Wrapping paper is so far off the radar as to be laughable (if I could laugh). Same goes for cookies. And gifts. And cards. And a tree. Which is totally shitty when you consider I have a highly intelligent and wonderful nephew and niece who have been through so much already. I want to be able to give them a nice Christmas to at least take some of the sting of the last month, hell, the last YEAR away. I want them to be able to smile at least a little on Christmas morning. I’m doing what I can to protect them and help them through this but it’s a situation where I’m sad and angry and extremely resentful they even have to go through this. That any of us have to go through this. I don’t blame anyone else for their enjoyment of Christmas, there’s no doubt in my mind that I’d be tra-la-la-ing my way down the street with shopping bags and bitching about parking just like everyone else if I wasn’t going through this mess myself. But I will say I look at it all happening around me and think I’ll never ever feel the same way about this time of year again.
Now it’s no longer magical. Now it’s just cold.
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