My Roller Coaster Ride

This has been a crazy month from a parenting perspective. How is it possible to love and hate your kids so much at the same time?

Take Karlin. Karlin is 8. This month she rode in her first-ever Horse Show. She did so well, and showed so much composure, that I thought I would burst with pride. She looked so little and so grown up all at the same time. She was on a giant animal, in front of a crowd and judges. Her foot slipped the stirrup once. Her horse took a big dump in the middle of her reverse. She handled it all in stride. She even managed to show a little humor with an eyeroll when her barn-mate placed ahead of her. Amazing. She also (finally) learned to ride her bike, prompted by the success of her ambitious little brother (see below.)

Then there's the evil side. The side of my brilliant beautiful daughter that throws her homework at me. That snatches a dollar bill from my friend when it was offered to her, without so much as a thank you. That refuses to acknowledge when grown ups are speaking to her. That throws a hissy fit at Girl Scouts when she doesn't win the estimations game. That is generally mouthy, disrespectful, and spoiled.

Take Chase. I taught Chase to ride his bike this month. Without training wheels. All by myself. He did it before his sister (although when she got home from Science Club that day, she immediately learned to ride her too.) Chase has also "officially" started reading. He's taking AR tests at school. He has been identified as a "higher level student", so now he spends 45 minutes of every school day in a 1st Grade class. Unbelievable.

Then there's the evil side of Chase. The side of my funny, smart son that threw a fit when it was time to leave a local play area. Threw a fit as in won't-stand-up-so-I-literally-had-to-drag-him-out fit. Said mean things to his friend just because. Crumpled up and scribbled all over his homework. Generally tantrumy, disrespectful, and spoiled.

So I had a Super Nanny moment. I sat them down on the couch and went through one day's behavior step by step. I pointed out what they did wrong. I let them know how mortified and disappointed I was by their behaviors. I told them that effective immediately, things were going to change. Then I sent them to their rooms. And bawled for 15 minutes.

I mean really - the kids have some horrendous behaviors. But who's fault is that? MINE. So shouldn't I be just as mad at myself as I am at them? Because when it comes down to it, the behave the way they do because I LET THEM.

I love my kids, and I am so proud of them. But lately they have not been very pleasant to be around. They have been cut off from all "extras" until they can demonstrate some significant behavior modifications. They must start using their manners. They must do what I ask them to do, the first time. They must stop being disrespectful. They WILL respond to adults when they are spoken to. They will do their chores.

This was put to the test yesterday. Karlin said "Can I have dessert?" And I calmly said "No - you are cut off from desserts for while, remember?" And she started to respond - in a VERY nasty tone of voice - "Why can't I have..." and I cut her off right there. I said "That tone of voice is EXACTLY why." Chase wanted to watch a movie. Same thing with him.

I am hopeful that in the coming weeks things will improve. The ups of being proud of them and the downs of wanting to kill them are starting to get to me.

I'm ready to get off this roller coaster.