Subterfuge

This is my new favorite word - "subterfuge." I like it because a) it applies to my activities at the current time, and b) I spelled it correctly without having to look it up (a big accomplishment for a mush-headed mommy...), and c) I knew what it meant, even though I probably haven't heard the word in forever.

It is likely only a temporary replacement for my other two favorite words: "chipotle" (which Bart says isn't technically an English word, and therefore doesn't count), and "maelstrom", which not only looks and sounds cool, but is actually a cool thing.

Anyway, back to the subterfuge...

I am leaving on a cruise tomorrow - 3 nights and 4 days to the Bahamas. 8 girls, no husbands, no kids. It should be interesting. It could be dangerous. What clothing to bring has been a primary concern of mine. My other primary concern - and this will be no surprise whatsoever to anyone who knows me well - is how to sneak alcohol on board the ship. It's not that I can't afford the drinks on board. It's that I don't want to pay for them. And there's the whole thrill of the can-I-get-away-with-it aspect. So the research has been underway.

I actually got the best idea from someone at my hairdresser's place. So now, here's what I have:

A still-sealed-in-the-plastic-shrink-wrap package of 4 bottles of orange Vitamin Water. What's actually in the Vitamin Water bottles: 2 have straight up Mango Margarita mix, and the other two are half Mango Margarita mix, and half tequila. (The chick told me how she did it with water bottles and vodka. You carefully stretch the plastic shrink-wrap out a bit, and slide the bottle carefully out. Replace the water with vodka, then close the bottle back up, and slide it back into the wrap. The wrap looks a tiny bit stretched, but it's not anything that wouldn't occur under normal shipping and stocking circumstances.) I also have an entire bottle of Cuervo Gold split up into 2 zip-lock bags, which are in bigger zip lock bags, which are in bigger zip lock bags. Those are layered within a folded beach towel. I'm considering taping $5 bills to each alcohol item, in the event someone actually opens them up to look at them.

So, I'm going in with the assumption that they will confiscate my alcohol. If they do, I'll mooch some off my friends (there are 8 of us, and we're all sneaking booze. They aren't going to bust ALL of us!), or I'll just buy it. That's why God created credit cards.(insert sound of husband falliong out of chair here.) If they don't, then WOO HOO! Free drinks and I can post a soon-to-be-famous video on booze smuggling on YouTube!

I gotta go make sure my zip-lock bags aren't leaking tequila all over my clothes. Wish me luck and Bon Voyage. I'll see ya on the other side!