"You Should Live Here"

So - anyone who knows me knows I am addicted to HGTV. I really should have a much nicer house considering all the makeover and design shows I watch. Let's just say putting it into practice is, well, a bit of a challenge. Especially when I could be swimming in the pool or playing Lego Star Wars on the PS3.

This afternoon I saw a new special on HGTV called "You Should Live Here." Basically they used a variety of sources and surveys to determine things like "The Best Place To Raise A Family", "The Best Place For Food", "The Best Place To Live Longer", etc. Then at the end, they listed the viewer's top 3 choices for best places to live.

I want to say that I think this show is total CRAP. First off, every single one of the places they listed had average home prices of over $250,000. I mean seriously...you're young and wanting to start a family. How about moving to Portland where the median home price 45 minutes outside the city is a half mill? Or what about the "City With the Most Beautiful People" - San Diego? I've been to San Diego, and I distinctly recall seeing more homeless people there than anyplace else I've ever been. Guess that great weather attracts less-beautiful people too. Want to live longer? Move to Denver, where all the fresh mountain air, pure water, and outdoor activities make for a longer life. Ummm...did they forget about the, oh, I don't know, 400 INCHES OF FREEZING ASS SNOW THAT FALLS EVERY YEAR?!?

Florida did not even get mentioned. For the waterfront lifestyle, they listed San Diego (which - by the way, the downtown is a bit from the actual ocean, and the water is C-O-L-D), and Honolulu (who the hell can afford to move THERE?)

The Viewer's Top 3? #3 - San Diego. San Diego is nice - beautiful weather, good zoo, etc. But there's the whole homelessness thing, the illegal immigrants running around everywhere, the Earthquakes, and let's not forget the wildfires. The beach is less-than-attractive - all rocky, and the water is cold. Great place to visit, but I would not want to live there.

#2 - Denver. I have only passed through Denver, but I hear that it is over-run with liberal socialists. The skiing is great, but I just couldn't stomach living in the snow and cold 6+ months of the year.

#1 - New York. Now, not to offend all you New Yorkers out there (I know of 3 who definitely read this blog...), but let's just wait a damned minute. The TV show said New York is #1 because "it has it all." I've never been there (except to JFK), and I would definitely like to visit someday. But I would rather have 3 root canals than move to New York City. It does NOT have it all. No decent beaches (not without a fair drive, and I'm not even sure those beaches qualify as decent). COLD weather and snow in the winter, and HOT weather in the summer. And it's too damned big - too many people, too hard to get around.

I may be biased, but why didn't any place in Florida make the list? We live where millions of people each year come to VACATION. Tampa - in my opinion - is the best. It really does have it all. We are less than 20 minutes from the best beaches in America. (Two of the local beaches won the title so many times they had to "retire" them from the list...) The weather here is fabulous. Granted it is hot in the summer, but no hotter than anywhere else in the Southeast. We get 6-8 months every year of what can only be described as gloriousness. Sunny skies, cool breezes, and mild temps. And by mild I mean you-can-still-wear-flip-flops-all-winter mild. Tampa is a medium-sized city, offering most of the amenities of a big city (minus the public transportation - that's one area where Tampa is sorely lacking.) We have Broadway shows here, ballet, symphony, and art. We have a world-class Zoo, and one of the more famous theme parks. We have all the "good" professional sports - The 2004 Stanley Cup winners the Lightning, the 2003 Superbowl Champion Buccaneers, and - if you read the paper at all - it looks like our Rays may, just may, be heading to the World Series. We have loads of parks and recreational trails. Disney - the vacation mecca of all families around the world - is 1 hour away. Almost every single day I wake up, look out at the blue skies and palm trees swaying in the wind and think "well-another beautiful Tampa day." We even seem to be mostly immune from the whole hurricane thing. Tampa has not had a direct hit in 120 years. We have an international airport, making equally easy to fly to Austin or Vegas or Cancun or Dublin. The food here is pretty damned good too - have you ever tasted a real Cuban Sandwich? The downtown is clean and safe, the suburbs have great schools, and you can be swimming with wild manatees in less than an hour. Want to go to the keys? Drivable. Historic St. Augustine? Ditto. I live almost exactly between downtown Tampa and the beaches. I can drive 4 miles away and be in middle of rural horse county. I can drive 4 miles and be looking at a gorgeous expanse of Tampa Bay.

I don't want to live where it's cold. I can hop a Southwest plane and be in Denver in 2 1/2 hours. Ski my little heart out, and then put my flip flops back on in the plane on the way home. I don't want to live in a city of bazillions of people, where the buildings are so tall you almost can't see the sky. I don't want to live near a beach that is only moderately attractive, with water that's too cold to swim in.

I want to live where it's warm and sunny. Where I can take a picture of the beach and send it to you, and you would not be able to tell if it was Clearwater Beach, Nassau, Jamaica, or Tahiti. I want to wear flip flops all year 'round. I want to be able to swim in my pool on Christmas Day. I want to be able to see Mickey Mouse whenever I want. I want to be able to be outside almost every single day. I want to be able to stand in my back yard and see the Space Shuttle taking off. I want to be able to see (and hear) Sandhill cranes and wild Parrots flying over my yard, and Ibis and Spoonbill feeding in my front yard.

I want to live in paradise, and it's here. Tampa. The only thing that could make it better is if I lived on the water at the beach. And if I had a maid. But maybe that will come later...