Sunday, December 9, 2007

Where are all the REAL "Christmas Classics"???

OK - I'll admit it. This time of year, I like a good Do You Hear What I Hear by Vanessa Williams, or anything Christmasy by Nat King Cole or Bing Crosby. Truth be said, I L-O-V-E anything Christmasy by Harry Connick Jr., and anything rockin' by Transiberian Orchestra. My daughter's new favorite is "Last Christmas" by perennial favorite WHAM! And Mariah Carey put out a great Christmas album back before she became "Mi Mi" and purchased larger boobs and an extensive collection of skin-tight mini-dresses. But I digress...

Driving around Tampa, you can tune in to 94.9 FM and hear all-Christmas-all-the-time. So, in the spirit of things, I tune in. But it's Dec, 9th. I've been listening for 2 weeks. I hear LOTS of Winter Wonderland, and White Christmas, and Chestnuts Roasting on a Open Fire and Silent Night. I hear multiple versions of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Jingle Bells and O Holy Night. I hear Frosty the Snowman and Silver Bells and Joy to the World. I'm pretty sure most everyone could agree that these all qualify as bonafide "Christmas Classics", yes?

But what I want to know is : Where are all the REAL Christmas Classics? Where are all of the super great, super funny songs that we children of the 70's and 80's grew up with? Where's Grandma Got Runover By A Reindeer? Where's The 12 Pains of Christmas? ("The Lights! Why are they blinking?" you guys remember that one?) What about Women's Underwear? (sung to the tune of Winter Wonderland: "walking round in women's underwear...") Where's Jingle Bells barked by dogs? Where's all the GREAT stuff by Adam Sandler and Weird Al Yankovich?

These are the silly songs I really miss hearing. Has the world become so possessed by the Politically Correctness Police that these songs aren't allowed to be played anymore? I really hope not. Maybe that's why so many people get depressed this time of year - they don't get a chance to hear these silly-ass songs and LAUGH. I mean, who doesn't love to hear Jingle Bells "sung" by dogs? And most of us can relate to The 12 Pains of Christmas - the lights, the in-laws, the crying kids. It makes us fell better to know we're not the only ones who feel that way.

If I can ever figure out how to hook up a $#*&%@ link in these things, I'll post some of MY favorite Christmas Classics. In the meantime, find the website for your town's all-holiday-music radio station, and barrage them with emails. Power to the People - Damn the Man!

On a slightly related note...have you noticed that the ONLY Christmas cartoon special that have survived the times are the ones made in the late 60's and early 70's? What do you see every year: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, narrated by Burl Ives, aka the snowman. Frosty the Snowman. Of course, The Grinch. A Charlie brown Christmas. Last time I checked, there's no annual re-playing of the Spongebob Christmas Special. No Flintstone Christmas story. No South Park Kenny-comes-back-to-life-it's-a-Christmas-miracle show. Not even Mickey Mouse or Bugs Bunny have made the cut. The lesson here? In the words of Fillmore (George Carlin) from the Pixar movie Cars: "Respect the classics, man!"

1 comment:

amy said...

you know, I didn't realize George Carlin was Filmore? Huh. Makes sense.

Sadly - I cannot watch South Park Christmas shows because I can't handle Mr. Hanky. I have weird issues with poo. Human poo, I guess, coz we know I can handle animal poo. Chalk it up to another one of my freaky quirks.