WHY

WHY does the US Government make it so damned difficult to get your children passports? Say a wonderful event happens in your life - something along the lines of your in-laws calling and saying "Surprise! We're taking your whole family to Mexico to stay at a ritzy all-inclusive resort! And we're paying for the whole thing! For 5 days! And we're leaving on July 5th!" YIPEE, right? Then you go on line and see that even children need passports to go to Mexico. They take 4-6 weeks. Crap. Then you see that - hey! - they can be "expedited." For a fee, of course. So you figure that you'll suck up the fee, since it means you get to go on a free vacation. But then you see that both parents have to be present at the actual getting of the passports. Which is a problem since parent #2 (he's #2 because I'm older than he is) is in Atlanta for the week. So we lose 4 days right there. But wait! There's a form that allows parent #2 to give consent for parent #1 to get the passports. Whew! Except that THAT from has to be Notarized, and most Notaries are supposed to Notarize in the presence of the person signing the form. Which is impossible, since parent #2 is in Atlanta. So I find a friend who a) is a Notary, and b) will notarize the form without Bart being present, and c) will even do it for free. Yay! Then you find out that BOTH children actually have to be present at the getting of the passports. OK - fine. So you look up where you have to drag both children to to get the passports (there are about 15 post offices closer to your house, but - conveniently - they aren't authorized Passport offices.) I can imagine that this trip will be a little like dragging 2 children to the DMV. Maybe worse. The closest Passport office is a good 30 minutes away. OK. So you pick the Passport office that is the closest to you, and then realize they only have passport hours from 8-3. So you have to bring your children to the Passport office, but the only Passport hours are the same as school hours? WTF? WHY is it so difficult to get permission for my children to accompany me to a resort vacation in Mexico for 5 days, but hundreds of MEXICANS waltz right in to the US without permission every stinking day? UGH.

WHY am I the way that I am? When I try a new yummy treat - say, the new little 90 calorie snack bags of flavored rice cake snacks (really tasty, by the way - peanut butter, mint chocolate, caramel, etc...) - why can't I just enjoy the yummy snack? Instead of savoring the yummy 90 calories, I automatically start thinking "Hey - at only 90 calories, how many bags could I eat at once and still be OK?" WHY do I DO that?

WHY is it so damned difficult to find pajamas? All I want is a set with boxer shorts and a cotton tank top. I don't want shorty shorts or boy shorts. I don't want lace or silk or satin. (This is mainly because a) I want to be comfortable, and b) my kids are getting old enough to ask questions about stuff..) I just want something somewhat presentable that I can sleep in. WHY is this too much to ask?

WHY did the sales lady feel the need to tell me her life story today? Did I really need to know that she is s substitute teacher, and last week some kid knocked over a trash can, and when she asked him to clean it up, some parent bitched her out? I guess she was making an effort to be friendly, but lady - I just finished an unsuccessful bout of clothes shopping. Nothing fit, and I am hungry because I am starving myself in an effort to make things fit. So I'm not exactly in a chipper mood, you know? WHY can't she just be polite and cut the chit chat?

WHY did that lady in the gold Pontiac give me the finger when I rightfully and legally changed lanes? Oh wait - I know this one. Because she's a stupid bitch. That's WHY.

WHY can't we shoot whichever marketing guru decided to put freakin candy at children's eye level in the checkout lines? They wouldn't leave it there if it wasn't selling. So hey slacker Moms: WHY don't you consider not bribing your little brat with candy at the checkout?

WHY indeed.