I Am Evil - He He He

Last night, I was making a desperate attempt to get somewhat caught up on laundry. This basically involved me folding laundry at 11 pm, and then sneaking into my kid's rooms to try to put the clothes away in the dark.

This evening after his bath, my son aid "Hey! Why is there a pajama shirt in with my underwear?" (so that's where that shirt went!) Anyway, without missing a beat, I said "I dunno - maybe the Underpants Gnomes put it there."

Don't ask my why - after a good 8 year hiatus from any sort of SouthPark (except for the one where Mel Gibson goes all ballistic, and the Tom Cruise Scientology one...), I managed to pop out a SouthPark reference.

Of course, my son - being no dummy - said "Uh uh. What?" And I said again "Maybe the Underpants Gnomes put it there." He thought about that for a minute and said "What are Underpants Gnomes?" I said "Underpants Gnomes sneak into your room at night and try to steal your underwear." He didn't believe me, do I said "Hey Bart - Google "Underpants Gnomes" for me and show Chase I'm telling the truth." So then Chase got to watch the Underpants Gnomes, courtesy of YouTube. Step 1: Steal Underpants. Step 2: ? Step 3: Profit.

So I said "See - I TOLD you there was a such thing as the Underpants Gnomes." Sometimes being a parent can be really, really fun.

The Cut-Throat Competitive World Of....Second Grade???

My lovely daughter Karlin is in Second Grade. I am just a bewildered as you are about exactly how I already have a child in 2nd Grade, but it appears to have happened.

For those of you without kids, or with kids in small schools, you probably have never heard of something called the "20 Day Count." Apparently in bigger school districts, you have a ton of people who either forget to register their kids for school, or who think that school doesn't start until after Labor Day, or whatever. The point is, in the 20 school days after the first day, a whole bunch of people sign their kids up for school. This creates an interesting set of challenges, since in most cases teachers and classes are assigned already. So where do the extra kids go? The Principals have to create new classes, hire new teachers, and move people around, all in order to meet with the State's class size requirements. Each year Karlin has been in school, this has happened. Luckily, she has never been one of the ones randomly selected to move...until this year. Karlin's 2nd Grade Teacher was selected to head up one of the new Kindergarten classes. 3 weeks into the year, Karlin was moved to a new class with a new teacher. This is tough on any kid, and Karlin has had a few adjustment issues. But she'll manage.

Where I'm really shocked is the amount of freakin' homework these kids get! Last Wednesday night, here's what she came home with: 1 math worksheet from her gifted class, 2 math worksheets from her regular class, 2 vocabulary worksheets, and a craft project. SIX THINGS TO DO FOR HOMEWORK!

I remember my 2nd Grade well. Cordova Park Elementary - Mrs. Hargrove. She was an evil teacher - mean and scary. She actually used to hit kids on the knuckles with a ruler, Catholic Nun style. And this was in Public school! I found out later that she was suffering from some early form of cancer, but still - she treated us all like crap and we were terrified of her.

I'm pretty sure that in 2nd grade we were reading a little, and writing, and doing some math. But I'm not 100% sure we had any homework in 2nd grade, and if we did, it certainly wasn't 6 pages a night.

And it gets better. The State of Florida also has this program called "AR" -"Accelerated Reader." Kids are expected to read at least one book per day, and then take a comprehension test on it. If they get a certain percentage of the questions correct, they get points. The more points they get, the more prizes they get. I have a problem with this. I understand the need to get kids reading. However, I don't want my kid reading just to get prizes. I want her (and Chase) to read because they love books. This whole AR thing causes a lot of competition in class. There are a few boys who read 6-7 books a day and test on them, just so they can see their little airplane move higher up the point chart. Most books at the 2nd & 3rd Grade Level are worth 1 point. Karlin read an adult-level Star Wars book a few weeks back, and Bart wants her to AR test on it. The book is worth 18 points. I say no - it's not fair to the other kids, and I don't want her reading harder books just to get the points. He says yes - she read it, she understands it - why not get credit for it? And actually with Karlin I think AR has the opposite effect. She reads easier books so she can read more of them so she can take more tests. I would assume that other kids do that too. It takes longer to read a chapter book, so you wouldn't be able to test on as many of them.

I tagged Karlin last week to the teacher and expressed my "concern" about her lower reading levels. She's reading beginning 2nd grade books, which is great. But she last tested at a 4th Grade level, and her vocabulary averages out at a 6th Grade level. Shouldn't she push herself to read books more appropriate to her reading level? But then again, she won't get to test as often, so she won't get as many points. You see the dilemma?

I hate to see the kids having to work so damned hard at age 7. They go to school 6 hours a day. Karlin usually has at least an hour of homework - sometimes more. In addition to that they are supposed to read 45 minutes a night, and do science exercises on-line. Throw in a piano lesson and the day is shot. When does she get to PLAY? Oh - and they only have PE twice a week, so most days she doesn't even get any real exercise.

The kids are pushed really hard at such a young age, mainly so they can get that golden score on the FCAT. It's sad. I'm going to follow my Mother-In-Law's lead (teachers: don't read this part) and occasionally take Karlin out of school for a "mental health day." I don't think she'll miss anything super-critical in one day, and she needs a day here and there to rest and relax.

Maybe we'll finger paint, or ride our bikes or go swimming - fun things that kids are supposed to do, but don't get to do enough of.

Besides - I really like to finger paint! ;)

I Voted - Where in the Hell Was Everyone Else?

I had a couple of things to ramble on about in the back of my mind: what we saw of Gustav on our way out of Pensacola, my dad (always on my mind when we leave Pensacola), home towns versus where you live now, the beauty of the Bushwacker, yadda yadda yadda.

But then the whole Sarah Paulin thing exploded. So I decided to go back to the first thing I had thought of last week after voting, so here we go.

Bart and I went to vote in the Republican Primary last week. For a few reasons, really. #1 - I always vote. I don't care if the ballot consists of Burger King versus McDonalds, I will freakin drive to the poll and vote. I am an American, and so I vote. I don't even like to absentee vote. I actually go into the poll and sign my name and go into the little booth and vote. I like the sticker I get. #2 - one of Bart's fraternity brothers was running for Circuit Court Judge, so we went to vote for him. (unfortunately, he lost.) #3 - there were two School Board seats as well as two County Commissioner seats on the ballot.

For those of you outside Hillsborough County, it's important to point out a couple of things. First - our School Board is populated by complete idiots. All they do is bicker. The get nothing accomplished. They are useless. And they make $40,000 a year to be that useless. Unbelievable. There is only one person on there who I can even see that is half decent, (I call her the pot-stirrer, which is a compliment with this bunch) but she's being derailed by her evil fellow Board Members. I think the whole damned bunch should be kicked out on their butts. Secondly, our County Commissioners make the School Board members look like organized, proficient, effective, and moral people. If you come to Tampa, drive into the areas of NW Tampa and New Tampa. Complete freakin' chaos. You know why? Because half the Commissioners have their hands in the ole' Development biz. They approved Development left and right and then left again, but didn't bother to put in the infrastructure to support the growth. Infrastructure - you know, schools, roads, sidewalks, parks, etc. They just approved building after building after building, and let the chips fall where they may. The School District has been literally scrambling just to get enough "student stations" for all of the students. They can't find enough safe bus stops, because too many 45 mph 4-lane roads run alongside the schools, and no one bothered to think about sidewalks, or safe crosswalks. Traffic is a nightmare. And now, thanks to their non-existent planning, our area is getting more and more closed and boarded up businesses. Yep - they approved more commercial than the area can support, especially in a down economy.

So we went to vote. When we got to the poll, we walked in, and 18 jubilant elderly poll workers greeted us. They were SO HAPPY to see us. (I love little old poll workers. I hope to be one when I grow up.) Anyway, we chatted with them a bit, did our voting thing, then went to have our bubble tests scanned in. (Side note - let me get this straight... a few years back, paper ballots caused a nightmare thanks to the whole "hanging chad" thing. So they spent millions of dollars replacing it with an electronic system. Which they have now thrown out because they "don't leave a paper trail", hence the bubble ballots. Are you kidding me?) So I put my ballot in, and then Bart put his in. The nice man working the machine said "guess what number you are!" We looked and you know what we saw? #22 and #23. That's right, folks. It was 11:30 am, the polls had been open since 6 am, and those poor poll workers had only seen 23 people. UNBELIEVABLE! I could rant on and on about how many people have fought and died to give us that right to vote, and how many people around the world would (and have) die to get the chance to vote, and how we Americans are so damned pathetic for not even bothering to get off our fat lazy asses and vote - but I won't. Hillsborough County had a 6.6% voter turnout for that day. 6.6 freakin percent. I am truly saddened by that. No wonder the county is going to hell in a hand basket.

On to Sarah Paulin. I'm not a huge McCain fan, but I'm voting for him anyway. He's better than the alternative. When he announced Paulin as his VP, I did some quick internet research, and was pleased. She's not old school (a big criticism of McCain), she's not a rich white guy. She's young, smart, a parent, and has run a state. Thumbs up.

Then the whole pregnancy thing broke. If you are reading this, I want you to consider something. Think back to when you were 17,18,19,20. How many stupid things did you do? And if by chance you were a good little kiddie, spending all your time at church and the library, how many of your friends were doing stupid things? I'll bet it is close to 90%. Maybe more. Your parents taught you well. You did great in school. You had nice friends from nice families. You were in constructive extracurricular activities. You went to college on a scholarship. And you know what? YOU STILL DID STUPID THINGS. Sex. Drinking. Drugs. Vandalism. Petty theft. Drag racing. Any number of things. Were these truly a reflection of your parents, or the morals they taught you? NO. You were young, and young people do stupid things. It's part of the learning process - part of growing up. Some of us don't survive it. Most of us do.

Sarah Paulin's daughter is pregnant. She's 17. I'll bet you know at least one person who got pregnant in high school. She's young, and she's doing stupid things, just the way most of US did. I don't in 100 years see how that is a reflection of what kind of job her mom would do as a Vice President! For God's sakes - Clinton got a BJ in the White House, and people still say HE did a good job as President. Cut the lady and her daughter some slack. At least they are taking responsibility for it, they are supporting the girl and the baby (so we won't have to), and they have - in my opinion - a great opening to use this to teach other youngsters about the dangers of stupidity. Can you imagine being 17 and pregnant? You are scared to death to tell your parents or your friends. What are you gonna do? Now imagine going through all that personal turmoil - at 17 - ON CNN! This girl's personal situation is now world-wide news; joke material for the am DJs. I feel for her, I really do.

And then there's the whole Paulin's-husband-got-a-DUI-in-1986 thing. Are you kidding me? They want to roast her because her then 22 year old husband got a DUI? I'll bet every adult out there knows someone who got a DUI. Most of us probably should have (and could have) gotten a few ourselves. 22 still falls in the stupid zone. I'm pretty sure when I was 22 I was puking in the bathroom of Trader Jon's, or passed out in New Orleans at Tropical Isle. You can't seriously hold her responsible for something that someone - who she wasn't even married to - did 20 years ago when he was 22?

I like her. I like that she's had the smarts and the cojones to get to be Governor at 44. And believe it or not, I was able to rescue myself from the depths of the Hand Grenade (drink at Tropical Isle) to grow up and become a college educated, successful mother of two, who is a very informed voter.

Vote on the issues. Vote with your party. But don't vote based on the decision and lack of judgement of a 17 year old kid. In any case, go VOTE. The little old poll workers are lonely.

I gotta go - I need to order some McCain Paulin bumper stickers.