Thought #1 concerns a little 3 year old boy and his 20 minute tantrum. Let me preface this by saying that my own 4 year old boy threw his own version of this satanic ritual later in the day, so I really can empathize.
I was at the gym after swimming laps, in the locker room. This lady (known from here on as "mom") comes in with her two boys, ages 3 and maybe 7. Little Mikey (age 3) didn't want to come in from the pool, and was quite vocal about it. This, I get. The pool is fun. Who wants to leave? And it's noon, so he's hungry too. Baaaad combination. If you throw in that he's a little tired too, well, it's all over. Anyway, little Mikey was literally screaming at the top of his lungs in this rather small, enclosed locker room. It's a cinder-block locker room, with lovely high ceilings that do a great job of amplifying sounds. Little Mikey was screaming about everything - he didn't like his towel, he thought his towel was falling off, he wanted to wear his bathing suit, he wanted to change, he didn't like that shirt, he needed to go potty, he didn't need to go potty, etc. I actually heard this mom have a 3 minute argument with screaming little Mikey about WHICH STALL HE WANTED TO USE. "Ok Mikey - Let's go in this one. No? You don't want this one? Which one do you want? That one? OK - let's go in that one. No? How about this one?" and so on. Then there was the "You want to sit down or stand up? Sit down? OK. No? You want to stand up? Ok. No? How about you try sitting down?", all the while little Mikey is screaming bloody murder and giving us all migraines. This all went on - seriously - for 20 minutes until I was finally able to escape the confines of Mikey's hell.
As I stated earlier, I totally get this woman's predicament and have been in the same situation many times before. What puzzled me was this: at no point in the 20 minutes did the mom ever say or do ANYTHING to discourage this behavior. No "Mikey - I want you to stop that right now." No "Mikey, if you don't stop that behavior right now, then you will suffer consequence x." Nothing! Just a lot of "Sweetie - no one wants to listen to you scream." and "Sweetie, you need to calm down." I thought - "Man, she is raising a little terrorist!" This will be the kid that disrupts the entire class because his pencil falls on the floor.
I really wanted to go up to little Mikey and say "Mikey, you will stop that crying right this second. You will go in that stall and go potty. If you don't quiet down right now, you will not come back to this pool for a week." And if he didn't do it? I would haul his half-dressed, soaking wet ass out to the car right then, and give him some quality time in his room for awhile. I mean really - to not only make any moves at all to correct that behavior, but then to subject the rest of us to it...it's just insane. Too many parents these days refuse to make their kids take responsibility for their actions and behaviors.
Thought #2 concerns staying at home with your kids. Someone I came in contact with over the weekend was of the viewpoint that if you choose to stay at home and raise your kids, then you have no right to complain about your day, or the kid's behaviors, or anything. I call bullshit on this one. Being a full-time parent is a JOB. It's hard work. Everyone else in any job or position has bad days, and complains from time to time, whether it be about their cranky boss or that rude client, or dense management. Maybe they don't like to new benefits package, or that they don't have casual Fridays. Maybe their co-worker puts boogers under the cubicle, or the men in the bathroom always leave the toilet seat up. Who knows? But everyone does it, even in the best of jobs.
Why is being a full-time parent different? I can't complain because my clients bitched and whined and screamed at me all day? (cause they do). I can't complain when I'm unable to take vacation time? (it's been 3 weeks since I even was able to use the bathroom uninterrupted.) What if I don't think I get paid enough? (or at all?) And overtime? Fuggedaboutit.
Hey Mr. "If you don't like it, you should go get a job": I have a job. I work 16 hours a day, 7 days a week. I clean up shit and puke. I ferry people from piano lesson to playdate to birthday parties. I make sure we have groceries and everyone eats 3 meals a day. I make sure all of our friends and family members birthdays are remembered (well - most of them anyway). I send baby gifts. I plan and execute birthday parties. I do laundry and dishes 7 days a week. I make sure everyone gets haircuts and check ups and flu shots. I make sure we don't drown in pet hair, or get a dreaded disease from our bathroom sinks. I am a VP on the school's PTA Board. I serve on the school's School Advisory Council. I am a Brownie Leader. I am a reading coach. I am a homeroom mom. 19 First graders went home with personalized scrapbooks of their school year because of me. Two girls who didn't even speak English at the start of the year were reading on level at the end of the year, due in part to my help. I raise money and walk in charity walks. I cook/provide meals for friends who are having chemo, or who have had a baby, or who have lost a loved one. I dust, change beds, weed flower beds, scrub the pool deck, schedule oil changes, and organize closets. I plan vacations and paint baseboards. I biy school supplies and uniform shirts and new shoes. And then - in my FREE TIME - I make home-made play doh, or read stories, or take my kids to the Library every week. I help them learn how to latch hook or build train tracks. I help them paint pictures or make crafts. I play games with them, or swim with them, or take them bike riding.
This is just the top of the iceberg, bud. I have worked a 40 hour a week corporate job, and I have been a stay-at-home parent. I have perspective and experience on BOTH sides of the coin. You have only worked in an office. You would not last 3 days doing what I do.
Do I regret it? The staying home part? Not really. I chose to have these kids, and it's my job to raise them. Not a Nanny's job, not a daycare's job. Regardless of their qualifications, no one is going to raise them and care for them better than I do. It's fun sometimes. It's work most times. It's downright awful on occasion.
But it IS a job, and I DO have full right to complain now and then.
To all you "stay at home" moms (who are never actually at home): YOU GO GIRL! You are doing a righteous thing, and someone out here knows what you are going through. To all the single parents out there? God bless you. I am awed by what you do.
For all of the critics? The ones who get business trips and lunches at restaurants and can play solitare while on the phone and wear nice clothes? The ones who get pay raises and positive feedback and job recognition?
Shut the hell up.
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