Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Today's blog is about a topic that has been gnawing at me for a few days. It has to do with hurt feelings, inclusiveness, and obligation. Or lack of any of those things. You see, I have this friend...

Here's your HYPOTHETICAL situation: Say you want to get a group of gal pals together for a weekend. This weekend is in celebration of a) one good friend coming back into town for the first time in 10 months to visit; b) someone's birthday; and c) just to get away from the husbands and kids for a few days. You want to go with the people you are closest to; those people who you know will not judge your potentially wild behavior. Those who will - more likely than not - get wild right alongside you. Then there's the chemistry. Any female that has been on a girl's trip knows how vital it is that the personalities on the trip mesh well. Women can be bitchy, cranky people. Sometimes we don't have a lot of tolerance for whiners, complainers, or people who generally have missed the point of the trip to begin with. There's also a space issue, as in if there are too many people along there won't be enough room for everyone to have a place to sleep. Now, I think most people know that I can still party with the best of them. But let's face it: I am too damned old to sleep on the floor or in the bathtub. I do not want to share a bed with 4 people, or have 14 people sharing 1 bathroom. At 37 years of age, these situations could be lethal.

Now, say in this HYPOTHETICAL situation that there are some gals who have attended other girl's weekends (inclusive to a specific organized group) that may not be invited to this one. Is that acceptable? What if these gals aren't particularly close to the people who are doing the organizing? You know them, and socialize with them, but wouldn't consider them among your closest friends. What if these gals have been on previous trips, but didn't quite fit the mix? What if these gals have been on previous trips, and straight-out pissed some people off? And - to complicate matters - what if having some people there would actually cause some other people - the people you really WANT to be there - to not come?

I have a good friend who has said in the past that life is just too damned short to ruin the few true leisure moments that we have with someone who, well, ruins it.

So do you forge ahead, invite who you want, and hope for the best? Or do you consider people's feelings in this, knowing full well that some people's feelings will be hurt? Or do you come right out and let everyone involved know that there is a specific thing going on, but there is not enough room for everyone, so the organizers will only be inviting their closest friends?

I guess I really thought at some point that I (we) would outgrow this sorority-type BS. Seriously, though...what would YOU do? I have tried to put myself on the other side of this. If 4-6 people that I socialize with went on a trip, and I wasn't invited, would I be upset? Probably not. Now if my closest friends went, that's another story.

And that opens yet another Pandora's Box of issues. What if some of the people who you consider only acquaintances view you as a closest friend? What then?

I believe that life is too short for all the BS. I also believe it's not nice to hurt people's feelings. I also believe that we get so little quality time with those that are closest to us. What's the answer?

Maybe I should start a new program: "WWBD - What Would Britney Do?" Then we'd have asolution. We could HIRE the acquaintances as personal assistants, then fire them. Then hire them again. Then fire them again. And to celebrate, we could run around town with a few of our closest friends, picking up a skanky photographer along the way, drink a lot of Starbucks, and make sure everyone knew we didn't have panties on. Oh...if only things were that simple....

1 comment:

amy said...

nothing is simple for women. If this were a bunch of men, the ones doing the organizing wouldn't worry about it, and the ones who weren't invited wouldn't care. We agonize. We worry. Hell, I can't offer advice. I'd agonize over it myself. Just piss off as few people as possible while making yourself happy.