I'm not even sure I should be considering a new blog, considering I haven't posted on this one for months. (some people make money off blogs, right?) But there it is.
To work or not to work - that is the question.
What motivates "stay at home moms" to go back to work? Is it the paycheck? Is it the boredom? Is it that we need ownership of something to ourselves (other than laundry)? Is it the need for feedback and/or social interaction? Is it because the perfect opportunity happens by at the right time?
I have none of the answers to this question.
On the one hand, I am getting increasingly frustrated at being the family "maid." My list of things to get done is huge, and never seems to get any shorter. Would getting a job outside the home really "fix" that, though? My list of things to get done will still be there (although I may be able to pay someone to do some of the housework.)
On the other hand, is it simply that I lack focus, discipline, and organization? Can I restructure things to make my life more efficient, more rewarding? I have 2 able-bodied children. Can't I have them increase their roles within the household?
Then there's the money aspect which, in my case, is a double-edged sword. Yes - I could use some spending money to take vacations and buy things with. But we don't really NEED money. Want? yes. Could use? Yes. Need? Not really. Taking a job, however, would most likely require a commute. In my 10 year old car. That has 145,000 miles on it. So the question that lurks out there is how long would my car last before it blew up? Right now, I don't go far (within a 4 square mile area, more or less.) So then the job necessitates a car payment. This is NOT a big deal if the job pays $50K a year. It is, however, a big deal if you are only making $13 an hour. My car has been paid off forever, and I live in fear of the car payment. And if I am working, will I have to hire a nanny or a sitter to watch my kids after school? To take them to their various practices/lessons/meetings? Because that just adds to the expense list and subtracts from the profit list.
Bart said this morning that he and I have different goals for our jobs. He wants to work to get the maximum return for the time spent. He says I want a job that's rewarding and interesting and fulfilling. It's a lot easier for him to say that, though, when he makes a good salary and works from home. My $13 an hour job probably wouldn't maximize much of anything.
Then there's another question: Do I really want to go back into fundraising, especially in this economy? When I left Zoo Atlanta, I said I was done with the "professional begging." I stumbled into the field to begin with, and although I was good at it, I never loved it. (At Zoo Atlanta, at least I could love the paychecks.) If I don't want to do fundraising, what DO I want to do?
I. DON'T. KNOW.
If I knew what I wanted to do, I could pursue a course of action in that direction. The bottom line is I have no idea what I want to do. I could just continue to Substitute Teach, which is close and convenient, but pays next to nothing and the work is inconsistent. Or do I let some organization suffer while I try to "find myself?" Is it really fair of me to take on a responsibility for an organization just to "try it out?"
I don't have the answers to any of these questions. What is my future in going back to work?
The Magic 8 Ball says "Reply hazy try again." No kidding.
