Hmmmmmmm....

Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, you should sell your house, quit your jobs, buy a boat and go bum around the Caribbean for awhile?

Far away from everything?

Having roasted coconuts with just you, your soul mate, and your offspring?

And some Corona?

Ya mon.

Tasteful VS Tacky

So my husband and I are engaged in a bit of a debate right now. It has to do with Christmas Lights.

You see - I grew up in a tiny-iny little house with not much going for it. But at Christmas time, me, my Dad, and my sister could dress that little sucker up! From the old C9s on the house, to the multi-colored chasers along the front fence, to the giant "tree" made out of multiple strands of lights. The more, the better. And way back when, you couldn't run out to Target and pick up a sign of lights. We had to draw out "Ho Ho Ho" on a piece of plywood, have dad drill holes, and then place lights through each of the holes from the back of the board. It rocked!

Bart's house growing up was a lot nicer than mine. His family usually had the C9s along the roof line, and maybe a strand or 2 of white lights in the bushes. Pretty.

So is there middle ground? The first time I saw that video a few years back of that crazy house with the lights timed to music, I said "I want to do that!" All of those houses you see in the in newspapers where they decorate out their whole yards and have a little walking path so people can go through it all "Oooo and Ahhh"...I want that to me MY house. I am a firm believer that once a year, you should just go crazy with it. Kids love it. Some grown-ups love it.

Bart wants tasteful. He would like to see a simple white and green and red scheme, a little in the bushes. Man did he marry the wrong girl.

I want tacky. Make that TACKY! Currently, here's what I have out:

* 5 strands of white lights edging the front shrub beds
* 2 strands of white and 1 strand each of green and red in the small tree to the left of the driveway
* 1 strand of multi-colored in the large bush to the left of the driveway
* 1 white star hanging from the roof over the garage
* 1 double strand (300 lights) of white lights in the palm tree out front
* 1 double strand (300 lights) of multi-colored lights in the ligustrum bush out front
* 3 strands of multi-colored lights in the front shrubs
* 1 6 foot tall inflatable Christmas Tree on the lawn (it lights up too!)
* 4 double strands (300 lights each) of multi-colored lights draped along the outside of the privacy fence.
* 1 strand of blue lights wrapped around the big palm in the backyard
* 7 strands of white lights in the shrub beds in the back yard
* 2 strands of blue lights edging the shrub beds in the back yard
* 2 multi-colored lit wreaths in each of the 3 front upstairs windows
* White strands of lights edging all 3 of the windows on the back of the house

We also have a tree on the lanai (with blue & white lights), the lanai is edged in white lights (but we keep those up year-round), a dolphin that I can't figure out where to plug in, and an animated white angel that I also can't find a place for.

Of course, it all goes to hell when a) bulbs begin to burn out; b) the wind knocks shit down,; or c) (as was the case last night) the rain shorts out half of my outlets. My only holdup at this point is that I am literally out of places to plus stuff in.

So who are you? Tasteful? Or TACKY!

GO TACKY GO! GO TACKY GO! Once you go Tacky you never go backy!

Sometimes Surprises Come from Outa Nowhere

You know...after you know someone for 20 years, you think you've got it all covered. You've heard all his stories 50 times, and he's heard yours 100 times. You know exactly what he's going to order at Outback. You know his friends, and are friends with them too. You've travelled all over together. You've dated, broken up, dated, broken up, gotten engaged, and gotten married. You've been together through births. And deaths. You've owned pets and kids. And cars and houses. Solid, established ground, right?

But them WHAM! Out of nowhere your husband of 10 years does something completely wacko, and totally out of character.

This has happened once before, a long time back. There was this Halloween Costume Contest at a Hockey Game. The grand prize was an Air Hockey table. Sweet, eh? So - somehow - I convinced him to dress up like Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. I dressed up like Terri Irwin. And we went on the ice in front of 5,000 people. Not only did he dress up, but he acted it all out: we brought this huge blow up gator, and some brown cloth and some rope. When they called us, we threw the gator out onto the ice and jumped on it. Then we put the fabric over it's head and tied it up, all the while "wrestling" with it. It was a stellar performance, and we SOOOO should have won. Instead, some Star Trek Nerd dressed like a Klingon won. As my friend Lisa said "He pulled up to pick up the table in his custom-painted Star Trek Van. He probably dresses up like that EVERY weekend!"

The point here is that Bart would never do something like that. Me - absolutely. Him? Not so much. But he did it, and it surprised the hell out of me.

Fast forward 8 1/2 years or so. Mt dear friend "Tia" turned 40 last weekend. Bart and I were invited out to a huge party at a cool place called Cherry Pocket. It's a restaurant/bar/fishing camp/campground place. Very old Florida - very fun. Anyway, we were at this event for my friend, and the party was attended by mostly my friends. (Meaning mostly my girls, with a couple of husbands mixed in...) After the beer, and the air boat ride, and the Elvis show, and the SEC Championship game, and the appetizers (onion rings, fried grouper, fried catfish, fried gator, crab cakes, some sort of seared tuna, and peel and eat shrimps), more beer, then dinner (gumbo, raw oysters, garlic steamed oysters, the seafood boat, and the fried platter), we moved into the karaoke bar for karaoke and more drinking.

The beers turned to rum and cokes. The rum and cokes turned into shots. The karaoke got louder, and the bar started to empty out a bit. Now Tia LOVES karaoke, and she made everyone promise to sing. So after many many drinks, we all did. Mostly in groups. But then - here comes Bart. Next thing I know, he's up front, with a barrage of girls dancing behind him, singing Big & Rich's "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy." Not only does Bart HATE karaoke, but he's also not a big fan of Country music. But there he was. And as Tia's hubby Rod said "He didn't just sing it - he owned it!" He literally rocked out the bar! I about fell out! It's 3 days later and I STILL can't believe it! AND THEN...he got back up there with Tia and sang a duet version of The Dixie Chicks "Goodbye Earl." (He said - "It's Tia's birthday. If she wants me to sing, then I'll sing." Unbelievable.

Just when you think you know someone, they pull a whopper on you like that. Needless to say, my party-ass was so proud of my normally reserved hubby. Who'd have thunk it? Not me, and I know him better than anyone.

Oh - and if you ever get the chance to wear a tiara and carry a scepter - even if you have to steal it from the birthday girl - you should definitely do it. Very empowering...

Macy's Parade and the Car Ride from Hell

What is UP with the Macy's Parade now? I remember when I was a kid, we LOVED to watch it. It had all the fun balloons and the bands and all that. Now? The TV coverage is all about the "hosts." I have nothing against Meredith Viera and Matt Lauer, but I don't really tune in to see them being goofy and spewing out 100% uselss commentary. Get back to the balloons, damnit! And then there's the "guests", like the Macy's Parade is a talk show. CLAY AIKEN? Are you kidding me? Didn't his 15 minutes of fame run out, oh, I don't know - 5 years ago? And when did Darius Rucker go Country? Where are the Blowfish? Then there were the Marching Businessmen - a group of guys dressed in suits and ties, formed to advertise some menswear shop that has been closed for 9 years. All they did was steal from "Stripes" - boom chacalacalaca, boom chacalacalaca... It was all very disappointing.

Then there was the ride home yesterday. God bless my wonderful children - they were practically saints. The ride from Pensacola to Tampa is usually 7 1/2 hours - 8 if you stop and go in someplace to sit down for a meal. Yesterday, it took us 11 1/2 hours. That's pretty much the whole day in the car. And it was pouring the whole way, meaning the kids couldn't even get out and run at the rest areas. Every McDonalds seemed to have outdoor play areas, not indoor ones. We left Pensacola at just after 8:00 am CST, and arrived in Tampa just before 9:00 pm EST. It was miserable. The kids were real troopers, though. Their brains may have turned to oatmeal due to all of the movies they watched, but what can ya do?

Note to self: when you go back and read this entry next year, DO NOT DRIVE HOME ON THE SUNDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING.

Let the Christmas chaos begin!